Being Russian
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Oneshot. Matt concocts a way for Mello to finally beat Near. Matt x Mello silliness, Nearness.


Title: _Being Russian_

Rating: _PG_

Summary: (_oneshot) Matt concocts a way for Mello to finally beat Near. (Matt x Mello silliness, Nearness)_

A/N: _Hello. This is my first time writing for DN but I really love these guys, they're so awesome so I hope I don't butcher it too much. x.x;; _

_-_

"My win again, Mello."

"I'm not _blind_, Near, I can _see _that you _won_, I'm not blind or _dumb_, contrary to your beliefs."

Near shrugged lightly and continued to twirl a lock of white hair around his finger. In the other hand was the Gamecube controller which had assisted Near in beating Mello at Super Smash Bros. Melee for the fifth time in a row. In the dimly lit game room of Wammy's House, Mello was sulking and fidgeting with a chocolate bar's wrapper, finally opening it and tearing into the milky candy with his teeth, chewing ferociously.

"… Would you be inter-"

"No, Near, I would _not _be interested in playing you again." His voice was tight and two levels below a shout.

"Okay," Near said and continued to sit there.

Mello huffed and got up from his seat, storming out of the room, leaving Near to his victory. He was sure that under that calm, smooth exterior, Near was whooping it up big time and it just pissed Mello off _so much _that no matter what, Near never did what Mello knew he wanted to which was dancing around Mello, shaking and jiving about being number one.

"Number one in _everything_," Mello mumbled to himself as he walked down the corridors.  
"Next in line to be L's successor, best grades and good at _Super Smash Bros!_ There is something the matter with him…"

The more Mello thought about it the more irritated he became and the more furiously he chewed through the chocolate bar in his hand. Finally, he reached his bedroom door and as he threw it open, he bit down once again on the chocolate bar that was no longer there and ended up chomping down on three of his fingers.

"GODDAMMIT."

Matt, who had been sitting in the room calmly playing his PSP, jumped out of the armchair and looked at his friend with wide eyes. "What, what?"

"My _hand_," Mello moaned, sinking to the ground. "Bit my hand… Ugh…and Near…!"

Matt blinked and crawled over. "What's that? You say Near bit your hand?"

"No, you idiot." Mello sat up, shaking the feeling back into his fingers. He blew on them and found they were red already. "I bit my own hand!"

"And you call me the idiot."

"Look, just shut it up!"

They both glared at each other for a few seconds before Matt stood again and readjusted his goggles on his forehead which had fallen askew. He walked over to his abandoned game system. "I don't need this," he said, reseating himself. "You come in here howling like some madman, getting me all riled up, and then insult me."

Mello sighed. He sat himself on his bed across from Matt and reached under the pillow where he kept a stash of chocolate bars. He unwrapped one. "Sorry, alright? It's just Near's got me so… annoyed today."

"How is that different from any other day?"

"We were playing Super Smash Bros in the game room and-"

"You lost, right?"

Mello glared over his chocolate. "You don't have to guess so correctly."

"Well, come on, you challenge him everyday and then go around with some chip on your shoulder like you weren't expecting to lose! It's _Near_."

"Well, he's not God! He's not unbeatable so don't refer to him like he is!" Mello snapped and ended up biting off half the chocolate bar. "And anyway, I'll defeat him one day. I just have to find his weak spot."

Matt shrugged, continuing his game play while Mello plotted in his head, trying to come up with a plan. After about five minutes of silence save for noises coming from the machine in Matt's hands, Matt finally said, "Use what you've got."

"… Excuse?"

"Your own special talents."

"Like what?"

Matt put the game on pause. His eyes rolled upward in thought. "Well, eating chocolate…"

"Huh?"

"And being all cute…" He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at the blonde.

Mello's eyes narrowed and he reached into the front of his leather pants, pulling out a silver pistol and pointing it at the redhead.

"Hey, that's my gun," Matt whined.

"Refer to me as cute again and you'll get a bullet straight to the brain, I'm not fucking around, Matt!"

Matt looked at him levelly and then returned to his game screen. "You'd have to get some bullets for that gun first, cutie."

Mello blinked, simultaneously lowering the gun.

"Hey, that gives me a great idea!" Matt shouted gleefully and threw the PSP to the side, diving instead for his own bed and digging underneath. Mello was too busy starring into the barrel of the gun, trying to figure out how he could be so silly to notice Matt coming out with a box of bullets for said gun. He got one out and came over to Mello, taking the weapon from his limp hand. He inserted the bullet and spun the chamber. "Listen, here's how you beat Near once and for all."

"What do you mean?"

"You're Russian, right?"

"Well yeah…"

"Then you've heard of Russian roulette!"

"…" Mello stared. "You want me to… play Russian roulette with _Near_?"

Matt pushed the gun into his friend's hand, smirking. "Yeah! Get it? If Near loses to you this time, you've gained the ultimate win over him!"

"That's a hella big if!"

"Come on! Near can't be as good as you at this!"

"Why the hell not?"

"You're Russian! This is your race's specialty!"

"… Man, that's not true!"

"Mello." Matt took his friend by the shoulders and looked into his blue eyes which made Mello annoyed and uncomfortable. "Have I ever lead you astray?"

"Yeah."

"… Well, have I ever lied to you?"

Mello bit his lip. "Mmm. Don't think so."

"Great! Then trust me, alright? Near won't know what hit him!"

Mello looked down at the gun unsurely but before he knew it, Matt was leading him by the hand down the hallways where he had just come from a few minutes earlier. It was close to nine at night and at this time most of the orphanage was asleep but both boys new that Near stayed up until at least ten most nights, playing with his toys (and probably himself, as Matt sometimes joked) and completing puzzles and doing other creepy Near things.

They were heading for the game room where Mello had been with Near but on their way, they passed the common room and saw a hunched over figure on the floor. Mello stopped, pulling Matt along into the room with him as he clicked on the lights. It was Near alright, on the floor with an army of toy robots surrounding him. He looked up in slight annoyance.

"Mello, Matt," he said in greeting.

"Near, I'm challenging you to a game!" Mello shouted.

"Well, it's a bit late, Mello-"

Mello laughed. "What's wrong, _Near_? Scared I whoop the pajamas off ya?"

Near sighed. "What game?"

Mello held up the pistol. Near's gray eyes widened slightly. "Russian roulette," Mello declared. "One bullet, six chambers. Spin and pull the trigger; we take turns until one of us is dead!"

Near was silent.

"I see my bravery has stunned you."

"No, just your stupidity."

"WHAT?"

Near stood from his spot on the ground and his bare feet made a soft sound as he padded towards the door.

"Ugh!" Mello growled, waving the gun around frantically. "Chicken! Chicken! Goddamned _chicken_! Matt, he wasn't supposed to run away!"

"Um…"

"Dammit!"

"Mello, stop waving that-"

And before Near got out into the hallway, he heard an ear-shattering bang and turned around, seeing Matt cowering over by a wall and Mello's hair standing on end, staring at the just-fired gun in his hand.

Matt screeched, "You bastard, you almost shot me!"

"W-Well, I didn't!" Mello stuttered. "Be thankful!"

Near came back in and looked down quietly at the smoking hole going through one of the robot's heads. He stooped down and collected his things and shuffled out of the room, muttering, "Honestly, Mello…"

Matt sighed, coming over from his hiding place to stand beside Mello. "Well… it was… kinda a victory… I mean, you shot his toy."

Mello glared daggers at the redhead over his shoulder all of a sudden bringing to gun around and pistol-whipping him in the face.

-

A/N: _Yes, well… please review!_


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